Friday, February 1, 2008

sorry, i din do a good job

'belaying is e golden rice bowl of ODAC, if u dun even know it, dun dream of doing anything else' & 'RAMPS is e backbone of all activities' these lines definitely will bring back some gd memories of my old mates in AJ ODAC. yep, they r e infamous lines of lim kok wee. back den was days when i was drilled in doing proper proposals & planning, at e same time mastering all soughts of technical hard skills which r of relevance to outdoor activities. he nv fails to find fault in our 'thorough proposals' & we always fails at his qns of 'wat if...'. lim's words were harsh & oppressive, yet they make gd sense when we now individually take flights in our own field. RAMPS - Risk Assessment & Management Plans System, its covers basically People, Environment, Equipment & Process. i only get to fully appreciate e system a couple of yrs after i graduate from 'A' levels.

lets take a good look at belaying, n qn all e safety factor in it. firstly, wats e competency of e belayer?(People) wat ground is he belaying on? will he trip? is e wall tt e climber is working on safe enuff?(Environment) is e belay device old? an ATC or fig. 8? is e harness worn out?(Equipment) lastly, how is e climb conducted? is there anchor-man or backup belay?(Process) as i age & get to experience more, RAMPS becomes a second nature le. wif all these skills & knowledge, i tot i have a great deal to share for event planning, recces, conducting of event, tackling technical probs, estimation of budget, outdoor related networks, rational thinking & ground decision making.

to my great disppointment, i could only serve a very small fraction of e club wif so little tt i had. sorry boss, there's so many areas tt i failed to cover for u. i'm definitely less sensitive compared to my peers, a lot of time, i dun share e same feelings others felt, thus i fail to take care of others emotions. i failed as a VP. till date, i'm still drenched in my storm back 1/2 a yr ago, there r those who had reservations for me & vice versa, hence i cant reach out to all. i failed again. i noe i haf an aura which others shun away fr esp. when i reason outthings of wat shd be done & wat shd not, hence less share wif me wat they r doing, thus i'm not being at e noe for everything within e club, i cant make informed decision or assist munir in them. i failed 1 more time. at times i dun share e same believes as boss, therefore unable to defend or stand to support his decision, which is very impt to e club decision making process, i failed badly. there were many things tt i tot i could make a change to, but i had hold backs like whether it will be a welcomed decision, i start to loose confidence in myself. i'm no longer fit to be e VP. frens said i need not be so hard on myself, but if i cant even aid in overseeing e club, wat e fuck am i doing den! there's no way tt i think i shd lower my self expectation, its only rite tt i shd not be failing in all these aspects, which i am. bet i got many more areas of failures which i've yet to realise. sorry, i din do a good job.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Cheer up!

In life you cant always do so much to please everyone. Take a step back and see if you can remedy the situation.Otherwise, pick yourself up and show all your intent.