a painful night... closing of e chapter

its been 6 years since i last cried, i did it again. reasons of e pain back den was still a mystery to me & to many others. Lim Kok Wee is a man that i may forgive, but never forget. this time e pain was just as excruciating as back den. it was a painful week & e final strike came in real hard. having reflections upon all that had happened, well, at e very least i tried all i could le. for those whom i disturbed or toes were being stepped on, i give u my deepest apology like i did for foot comm & zhi wei. i'm not 1 who dun admit to my own flaws or fault, really. till date, i had yet to forgive myself to walk out of foot comm or that i stepped upon their morale as i push forward wif e camp. i apologised to each & everyone of them at vivo city & i will do that to u someday. i felt ashame when i look at zhi wei, apologised to him not as a fren, but a going-vp-to-be in odac that i did not give him a chance to listen him out back den. for those whom i tot i had never affected, i'm really no saint, no super being, i fought a hard battle wif my own pride to learn not to hate. for this, i learn to respect zhi wei, wei loong & boss much more than before. i felt ashame when i compared myself upon them. at e very least, i c no hatred upon their actions & they moved on wif grace. as i always say to others, 'those who kao pei r e ones who care', for that i gif it to u all, cos at least i noe, u do care bout yr frens, i'll learn to let go. but disappointment comes in real hard for this part, never in my life that i tot i was a lousy fren, not worthy of yr faith or trust. i really tot i was yr fren too. prob this time, i'm wrong bout myself. ah guan once said, 'phua, stop selling your heart to those who wont sell theirs to u'. back den i din learn it, today i choose not to believe in it. i'm really grateful to all those who came up to me for e past week who asked, 'r u ok?', really, thats more than enuff to keep me going. i'm a stupid boy who would sell my heart to u juz for a packet of teh peng that u offer at my most tired moment. yali, really, i gif it to u. i cant promise u in how much i'll change or improve but i will. when u trust him to have his reason, i believe so too. i only hope to let him noe that my tears flows for a reason too. hopefully e chapter will close, its not gonna be like a new beginning, things dun go this way, but at least i'm closing my page & will be moving on. i've learned & i learn it hard that i'll take things wif grace.

veron once taught me in my 2nd camp that when i truly feel for my students, they will feel it too. sorry boss, think i din learn it well that time.